Changes at The Chaser following the Religious Discrimination Bill

Dear Readers,

Here at The Chaser we have decided to embrace the Religious Discrimination bill. Scott Morrison argues that the bill isn't just a thinly-veiled attempt to decriminalise homophobia. And we take him at his word.

He says that far from just being a way to discriminate against gays and lesbians, the bill is about protecting the ability for people to run organisations based on anything that they can dig out of the bible.

So we've decided to read the wind, and get on board this exciting idea. In particular, we're going to run The Chaser according to our deeply held belief in the truth of the gospel of Leviticus. 

First off Leviticus 19:28 states, "You shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor tattoo any marks on you...". Unfortunately, everyone under 30 has tattoos nowadays, so unfortunately pretty much all the young team members have had to be sacked. Not a huge loss, frankly.

And just a little bit later in chapter 21, Leviticus points out: "You shall not make any baldness on your head, nor shave off the edges of your beard." Unfortunately, all the old Chaser team members are either bald, balding or clean shaven. All of which is completely against God's word. We have therefore legally sacked all the old Chaser guys. Again, no huge loss.

As you probably know already, Leviticus is very clear in chapter 19 about mixed fabric garments. "You shall not... wear a garment of cloth made of two kinds of material." Unfortunately, the only person left (besides myself) was Gabbi, and she keeps wearing clothes with a poly/cotton mix. This is completely unacceptable, and frankly, I'm incredibly glad that my right to summarily sack her is now going to be enshrined in legislation.

(I mean, it's a pity because according to Leviticus chapter 27, a woman is worth three-fifths as much as a man, so we were planning on cutting her wage accordingly. That too would be legally protected under the new bill).

On the bright side, lying is now no longer permitted at this satire organisation as the Bible forbids lies. This will pose an interesting challenge writing satire but I'm sure the people who drafted the Religious Discrimination Bill have thought that through.

As we and many other companies around the country add in these new measures to embrace this new law, we are excited to see how many politicians can meet these same standards since the bill definitely isn’t just about oppressing the LGBTQ community.

Of course, we'll also be holding politicians to the same Christian standards.

Yours in Godliness,
John Delmenico
The only remaining employee at The Chaser

WAR ON 2021 LIVE SHOW

Our end of year live show "The War on 2021" is on across NSW and ACT, and most venues are now at 100%, so there are extra tickets for sale, even at venues that were previously sold out!  PLUS OUR MELBOURNE SHOW IS HAPPENING. Hurry - not many tickets left to that one.

November 30 - Canberra Theatre - SELLING FAST

December 2 - Wollongong IMB Theatre - SOLD OUT

December 8 - Penrith, The Joan - Book Now

December 9 - Sydney, Enmore Theatre - Book Now

December 11 - Melbourne, Athenaeum Theatre - SOLD OUT

PODCAST IS NOW DAILY
The Chaser Report podcast is now daily, so search for "Chaser Report" on your podcast app of choice, or stream it here or subscribe here.

BECOME A CHASER SUPPORTER
During these times, it's very important for us to have enough beer to keep the satire flowing. So please support The Chaser by giving $5 or $10 or $25,000 a month. $1 can pay the monthly salary of 20 Gen Z full-time writers. It really is what keeps this media empire growing, including the website, social media and podcast. The Federal Election is coming up soon, and we need all the resources we can to cover it.

CHASER DAILY
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MERCHANDISE
The good fellows at The Chaser's Shop have made a spectacular range of beach towels, books and Christmas cards. First up, why don't you buy a Greetings from Bondi coronavirus beach towel?



Or perhaps The Scott Morrison Inaction Figure beach towel:



Or, the original Greetings from Hawaii Scott Morrison beach towel.



Plus of course, there's the Chaser Annual 2021 with Christian Porter clearing out his desk on the back cover.



The Chaser has also released a NOB Bank T-Shirt to go with their NOB Bank videos, which highlights how pro-fossil fuel NAB is.