I have never lied
Dear Readers,
Scott Morrison here. Truthfully. It's really me. Not lying. I would never lie. I mean, I entered politics after a career in marketing. Does that sound like the career path of a liar?
You see, for a lie to be a lie, you have to believe it to be false. But everything I say, deep in my heart, I believe to be true. Maybe not in the exact words that I'm saying, but in the effect those words will have on voters in the marginal seats. And surely that is the greater truth.
The kids at The Chaser have asked me to use my incredible marketing experience to help them sell you all their cheap shit from China.
So here we go. First up, why don't you buy a Greetings from Bondi coronavirus beach towel? It's a great way to remember where the Delta outbreak first took hold. It's great for a lazy time at the beach. You can lie on it for up to 11 days without the NSW Government doing anything about it whatsoever.
If you'd prefer something that has me in it, you could try a couple of designs that I myself, Scott Morrison, appear in. The Scott Morrison Inaction Figure beach towel, for example:
Or, it's almost bushfire season, so you'll want to grab the original Greetings from Hawaii Scott Morrison beach towel.
Plus of course, there's the Chaser Annual 2021 with my mate Christian Porter, clearing out his desk, on the back cover.
You really should buy all this stuff, and if you don't you can expect a senior frontbencher in the government to launch legal proceedings against you. (Mind you, you can expect that to happen regardless. It's a highly like thing to happen to anyone nowadays.)
Oh, and I should mention that The Chaser has also released a NOB Bank T-Shirt to go with their NOB Bank videos, which highlights how pro-fossil fuel NAB is. How good is greenwashing, eh?!
The one thing I learnt in marketing (besides hide your tracks on the way out the door) is that you need to create a sense of urgency in consumers to get them to buy your shit. So I should let you know that this the last stock before Christmas. Once these wonderful beach towels, annuals and T-Shirts are sold out, there'll be no more.
Yours truthfully,
The REAL Scott Morrison (really)
Prime Minister of Australia
WAR ON 2021 LIVE SHOW
Our end of year live show "The War on 2021" is on across NSW and ACT, and most venues are now at 100%, so there are extra tickets for sale, even at venues that were previously sold out! PLUS OUR MELBOURNE SHOW IS HAPPENING. Hurry - not many tickets left to that one.
November 24 - Central Coast Laycock Theatre - Book Now
November 25 - Newcastle City Hall, Concert Hall - Book Now
November 30 - Canberra Theatre - Book Now
December 2 - Wollongong IMB Theatre - Book Now
December 8 - Penrith, The Joan - Book Now
December 9 - Sydney, Enmore Theatre - Book Now
December 11 - Melbourne, Athenaeum Theatre - Book Now
PODCAST IS NOW DAILY
The Chaser Report podcast is now daily, so search for "Chaser Report" on your podcast app of choice, or stream it here or subscribe here.
BECOME A CHASER SUPPORTER
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MERCHANDISE
 Check out our quality range of merchandise at the Chaser Shop. Plus if you're into wearing clothes, we've collaborated with ethical manufacturer Lonely Kids Club on a new line of merch and Minister Potatohead Track Pants. Check them out. Especially popular is the Chaser Hoodie.
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