Get on board the Covid-train!

Dear Citizens,

As Prime Minister of Sydney, and also, I suppose, the rest of Australia, I'm always keen for my country to thrive*.

That's why we've got to get away from this prehistoric notion that just because some places in Australia don't have Covid they should try and stay that way.

If people in Western Australia, South Australia, Tasmania and Queensland stick to this outdated idea, it will impinge on the freedom of Sydneysiders to go to those states and cough on the people who live there. What sort of a future is that? 

Instead I call upon all the state Premiers to swing their doors wide open and adopt the lifestyle of a Sydneysider.

Sydney is a carefree environment to live in at the moment. Nobody worries about what they're wearing or what their hair looks like. In 17 days, some residents will even be able to go on picnics! Imagine that! What a lifestyle! Are you jealous yet?

A lot of people in the other states are resisting going down the path of becoming more Sydney-like.

But it's futile to resist. You need to accept the inevitable. The Sydney lifestyle is coming to you sooner or later. Especially with someone like me in charge of the country.

I've always said we need to follow the evidence, and to me, the evidence is quite clear. All the data show that throughout the pandemic my government has been terrible at overseeing the quarantine system.

Now you might think "Hang on, why don't you just get better at quarantine? Why don't you build quarantine facilities outside crowded cities to reduce the risk of a leak?"

Sure, that's what a caveman or cavewoman might say. But if you followed the evidence, you'd see that my ability to learn from my mistakes is almost non-existent.

Surely an easier idea is that you all just accept that I'm consistently terrible at everything I do and let this Delta strain rip through your cities? See, acceptance makes life so much easier (especially for me).

Charles Firth
Prime Minister of Sydney
(and the rest of Australia)
 

*As determined by how fast Sydney property prices are increasing

GRACE TAME ON THE CHASER REPORT
During the week, we were lucky enough to have Australian of the Year, Grace Tame on our podcast. She's on Tuesday's episode, plus we also published the full interview with her. It really is worth a listen.

The podcast is now daily, so search for "Chaser Report" on your podcast app of choice, or stream it here or subscribe here.

SUPPORT THE CHASER BEER FUND
During these times, it's very important for us to have enough beer to keep going. So please support The Chaser by giving $5 or $10 or $25,000 a month. It really is what keeps this whole thing viable, including the website, social media and podcast. The Federal Election is coming up soon, and we need all the resources we can to cover it.

CHASER DAILY
If you want a Zuckerberg-free way of getting daily updates from The Chaser, subscribe to our daily newsletter. Which you probably already have if you're reading this.

MERCHANDISE
Check out our quality range of merchandise at the Chaser Shop. Plus if you're into wearing clothes, we've collaborated with ethical manufacturer Lonely Kids Club on a new line of merch and Minister Potatohead Track Pants. Check them out.

Especially popular is the Chaser Hoodie.