Face masks are now compulsory in the reactor core

Dear Staff,

I think I mentioned a few weeks ago that there's a small leak here at the Chaser Springs Nuclear Reactor and Childcare Centre. If you didn't get that email you might want to check your spam filter, it's fairly important, especially the bit about taking iodine tablets.

At the time, I assured everyone that there was nothing to worry about and it would sort itself out. Turns out, these things don't sort themselves out. Who knew?

Now I know many of you have been begging me to make it compulsory to wear masks in the affected corridors, especially where you can literally see the clouds of gas wafting out from the reactor core.

But I didn't want to jump too fast onto that bandwagon. You see, I believe in a little thing called freedom. I know that some of you (especially the shouty ones) think not getting radiation poisoning is a priority, but what about the people who don't care about radiation poisoning? I have to run this facility on behalf of everyone, not just the safety nuts who would have this facility shut down every time people start dropping dead.

You've got to balance the pro-living nutters against the pro-freedom people.

Anyway, I've listened to what my safety officer was telling me eight weeks ago, and I am now making masks compulsory in all corridors where you can visibly see wafts of green smoke (unless you are going for a jog through the green smoke, in which case don't worry about it.)

And the great news is that now that face masks are compulsory, the need to fix the leak is basically redundant. Instead, I'm proposing that we learn to live with this deadly radiation leak (or in some cases, die). It'll be much easier than fixing it.

Unfortunately, there aren't enough face masks for the children in the Child Care centre part of the building, but I'm sure they'll be fine. As long as 80% of adults wear face masks, then things should be able to get back to pretty much normal.

Charles Firth
CEO
Chaser Springs Nuclear Reactor and Child Care Centre
 

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