New restrictions to pretend you've read
Hello loyal subscribers,
It is I, Charles Firth, and definitely not an intern he asked to write this email while he's off on holidays. I mean while I'm on holidays.
What I can tell you is that I, as a leader of satire, am definitely on task and focused on the big issues at hand facing our nation during this trying time. I am definitely not off on holiday again during a crisis. Anyone suggesting such a thing can expect a visit from the terror squad.
Just because nobody has seen me around the office in a week, and I haven't shown my face in public doesn't mean I'm not busy ignoring the vaccine rollout, or looking into ways I can shovel money to Rupert Murdoch.
I'm also very focused on the things that matter during a pandemic, like telling people they can get vaccinated when they can't. I think we can all agree what the country really needs right now is confusion and disinformation around vaccines.
And as a former Tourism board manager, I'm more than equipped to get the clear marketing messaging out there that anyone and everyone can* get the vaccine.
*'t.
Hope that clears things up.
Definitely Charles Firth
Not an Intern,
The Chaser
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