A message from God about Scott Morrison, my new representative on earth

Dear Human,

My name is God. I’m the Almighty around here. I just wanted to update you on a key personnel change I made recently.

As many of you know I’ve forgone divine intervention for the past couple of thousand years. I sent my son Jesus down to you not long ago (a couple of thousand years I think), and he died for your sins, so I kind of figured everything was under control.

Imagine my surprise, then, when I recently checked and discovered just how messed up everything is. I gave you a really nice planet, natural curiosity and the ability to chat things through, so I just kind of assumed you’d make things work.

I was pretty shocked to find out all the war, famine, inequality and sluggish internet connections afflicting the world. And why does everyone take photos of their food all the time?

It’s clear the world is completely falling apart and the only reason I can possibly think of for it is identity politics. 

Anyway, after much consideration, I decided that instead of not intervening in worldly matters, I’m going to have to do something about it. That’s why, in my first and only act in 2000 years, I decided to appoint Scott Morrison as Prime Minister of Australia.

Rather than make the announcement myself, I decided to just leave it up to him to tell you in his own time. I felt it would be more believable coming from him.

As my sole appointee on earth, I’m sure he’ll sort everything out. Last time I intervened, I did it through the miracle of a virgin birth, with a complicated narrative arc of struggle and sacrifice, ultimately ending in my son's crucifixion. 

This time, I instead decided to just pick a mediocre middle-management marketing executive to represent me on earth.

I haven't actually talked to Scott, but I did see lots of photos of him doing various things like making curries, building cubby houses, and re-announcing things while wearing high-vis outfits, so he looks like a pretty capable guy. And anyway, I’ve given him a nice country to run and the ability to chat things through, so I assume it’ll work out. (I decided against giving him any natural curiosity — he just didn’t seem interested in having any).

Good luck, I’ll check in in another 2000 years and see how everything is going. 

Oh, and I should mention that if you're living Melbourne, Canberra or Sydney, the Anti-Expert's Guide to Everything is coming to your city next week. If you haven't already, I command you to book tickets and go along. It's an hilarious show. All the deities up here love it.

Regards,
The Almighty God

P.S. By the way, I've been meaning to tell you, you’re not supposed to eat liquorice
 

NEW MERCH

Because we're an online media company, we're now legally required to release our own line of merchandise. It's highly defamatory.


 

LIVE SHOW - NEW DATES

Following their critically acclaimed, sell-out Adelaide run, James and Charles are taking their new live pandemic show on the road.

Canberra Theatre
4th May 2021 – 7:30pm
BOOK NOW

Sydney, Enmore Theatre
6th May – 7pm
BOOK NOW - HURRY

Melbourne, Athenaeum Theatre
7th May – 6:30pm & 8:30pm
BOOK NOW

Brisbane, Fortitude Valley Music Hall
20th May 2021 – 6:30pm
HURRY - ALMOST SOLD OUT
 

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