Australia is on a war footing

Dear Reader,

Despite what you might have heard in our biased left-wing media, such as Sky News and The Daily Telegraph, Australia's vaccine roll-out continues to be highly successful. Over 90% of senior politicians have now received the Pfizer vaccine. Australia's essential workers are safe.

Of course, some people complain that nobody else has been vaccinated, so today I am announcing that Australia is now on a war footing when it comes to the vaccine roll out.

This is war. Total war. I will now be meeting with key stakeholders TWICE A WEEK to check in about how the war is going. I'm not sure how many meetings Winston Churchill had each week during World War Two, but I'm sure it wasn't as many as two.

I understand that war is a complicated beast, but there are a few set of principles that we will be following, to make this vaccine roll-out just like Australia's previous wars:

• We will be murdering 39 civilians and then trying to cover it up;
• We will be handing out billions of dollars to private contractors who don't know what they're doing;
• We will be adopting ill-defined goals about what constitutes victory;
• Our end date for this war will be open-ended and we will have no exit strategy; and
• I will then be hide the evidence of our war crimes in a pink lunchbox in my backyard 

P.S. If you haven't already, please contribute generously to our new crowd-funding campaign to defame Peter Dutton. I'm sure you'll all agree it's for a very worthy cause. FIND OUT MORE
 

NEW MERCH

We were informed during the week that because we're an online media company, we're now legally required to release our own line of merchandise. As such, we have released these fetching Peter Dutton T-Shirts (plus a whole range of Chaser branded unfashionware). Buy now.


 

LIVE SHOW - NEW DATES

Following our critically acclaimed, sell-out run at the Adelaide Fringe, James and I are taking our new show on the road. It's the show that we had planned to tour with last year, fully updated to be all about the pandemic. 

Canberra Theatre
4th May 2021 – 7:30pm
BOOK NOW

Sydney, Enmore Theatre
6th May – 7pm
BOOK NOW

Melbourne, Athenaeum Theatre
7th May – 6:30pm & 8:30pm
BOOK NOW

Brisbane, Fortitude Valley Music Hall
20th May 2021 – 6:30pm
HURRY - ALMOST SOLD OUT
 

WAR ON 2020
The War on 2020 was a comedy series about the worst year ever 15 videos with principal financing from Screen Australia, in association with Screen NSW.

THE CHASER SHOP
We've only got a new Mother's Day Collection, including twelve-hundred and ninety-thousand billion quintillion rolls of Toilet Paper left. Also -- The Chaser's Dom Knight has written The 2020 Dictionary and it keeps selling out. Also -- our 2020 Annual has now sold out in bookstores, and we've only got a few copies left in the online shop. After that, it'll be sold out forever.

Visit ChaserShop.com

THE SHOT
The Chaser now has a much more serious sister site. Read now