You can take Monday off if you want

Dear Staff,

As you may know, Chaser Health Care Australia, successfully won the tender to be in charge of the Federal roll out of the vaccine in Australia. We should be proud of this achievement (turns out Greg Hunt went the same school as everyone on our board - what a small world!)

Now you might think that handing the roll out to a satirical health care company in the middle of a pandemic is reckless, but I think we can all agree it was better than letting Scott Morrison anywhere near it.

In order for all those donations to the Liberal Party to actually generate a proper return on investment for us, it’s important that the vaccine roll out goes well. So far, I think it’s gone as well as everyone expected a Federally-administered scheme to.

And as long as you don’t count the incorrect dosages, the mis-communication to the public, the angry boomers, overwhelmed GPs and fact that we’re roughly four million doses behind our target, it’s going extremely well.

That said, there are always going to be people who let “perfect” be the enemy of “god awful”. 

Frankly, I’m sick of hearing the media say our roll out his been “botched”. “Botched” implies that the roll out was going to go smoothly but then someone stuffed it up. But remember - the Federal Government was in charge of this scheme. It was never, ever going to go smoothly.

Others are now calling it a “debacle”, which is ridiculous. A debacle suggests that its faults arose out of a single point of failure. But this roll out has hundreds, if not thousands, of points of failure. It’s a sprawling mess, a shit-show of maladministration, not a debacle.

Anyway, point is, I talked to Greg this morning and we’ve decided that instead of making any changes to the roll out, we’ll just blame our critics for “undermining public confidence in the vaccine.”

So if anyone asks you why they haven’t got a vaccine yet, just accuse them of being an anti-vaxxer. Easy!

Have a great weekend, and why not take Monday off too? There’s nothing urgent that needs to be done around here, as far as I’m aware.

Charles Firth
Chief Executive Officer
Chaser Health Care Australia
 

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ANDREW HANSEN: SOLO SHOW



Andrew Hansen. He’s the actual, real, proper star of The Chaser’s War On Everything, CNNNN and The Hamster Wheel. He’s the good one from The Chaser. Known for his ferocious songs and iconic characters like the Surprise Spruiker and Clive the Slightly-Too-Loud Commuter, Andrew now presents a blistering live set of sketches and musical takedowns. So don’t miss this brand-new slate of musical and theatrical treats from Andrew Hansen – including hand-picked classics from the Chaser TV songbook. BUY TICKETS NOW

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The War on 2020 was a comedy series about the worst year ever 15 videos with principal financing from Screen Australia, in association with Screen NSW.

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