You're all idiots

Dear Reader,

We run what I'd like to believe is a pretty sophisticated operation here at The Chaser. Sure we have the occasional fart joke, or cheap swipe at private school boys who spit on homeless people. But that's part of the formula.

During the week, we published a new video which got over a million views on Facebook that was a searing satirical take-down of The Star casino. It suggest the well-being of patrons under Covid was perhaps not their highest priority (ie business as usual for them).

But even that was overshadowed by this stupid piece of merchandise that we put out last Friday. The Chaser's editor Cam Smith and I thought it would be a funny idea to print a few copies of this beach towel and sell them while railing against the rampant consumerism that is destroying our world.

Instead, the Scott Morrison beach towel sold out within minutes, and after a couple of extra print runs, it quickly became the single most profitable thing we've ever done on this website. 

You're idiots. It meant that Cam and I spent most of the week tipsy on expensive champagne and canapes, and, frankly, led to a massive deterioration in the quality of the high-brow satire we try and deliver to you. 

Your reckless consumerism has meant we've even had to put back the print schedule of The Chaser Annual just so we can get over the mercury poisoning we experienced from eating too much caviar. I mean, just listen to us. I didn't even know there was such a concept as "too much caviar" until you started buying our stupid merchandise.

Thanks to you, both Cam and I have acquired addictions to vices that are well beyond our means. Now we have no choice but to turn our attention to other merchandise opportunities. In fact, The Chaser's whole business model henceforth is going to be selling you cheap shit at grossly marked-up prices.

With that in mind, we'd like to introduce you to our next piece of merchandise.

It's the Back In a Huge Fucking Deficit mug.

This mug is a tribute to the mug that the Liberal Party of Australia actually released back in May 2019 for $35, to celebrate the famous "Back in Black" budget that didn't actually deliver a surplus, even though they sold mugs boasting about it.

I mean, if you can't trust a mug on fiscal matters, then how come he's treasurer? Haha.

Anyway, we thought we should help out the Liberal Party by updating their mug to be more accurate than Josh Frydenberg's calculations. (We figured it would be pretty easy -- as long as we're within $200 billion of the correct figure we'll be doing a better job than him.)

We're not going to charge $35 for a mug. You're idiots, but you're not "Liberal Party member" level idiots. Instead, we'll make them $29 (including free shipping), and we're going to print 100. So get in quick. So buy one today. It's your fiscal duty to correct budget figures. 
 

PODCAST - New episode out today

Charles is older and quite hung over. If that isn’t enticing enough, Nina looks at Ellen and awful private school boys, Dom checks out Melbourne’s singing protesters, and we hear all about the big Covid prank at the Star. Plus Rebecca De Unamuno with the latest Chaser headlines. Stream it online on our website or at Nova or download it in any podcast app, including: