Chaser Airlines
Account Statement
ACCOUNT NUMBER: 983798740979873
TOTAL POINTS: 53,790
STATUS CREDITS: 635
YOUR POINTS ARE NOT GOING ANYWHERE
(AND NEITHER ARE OUR PLANES)
Dear Valued Chaser Airlines Points Holder,
Remember when Ansett collapsed and everyone lost their frequent flyer points?
We understand you might be worried exactly the same thing will happen in the coming days when Chaser Airlines evitably collapses. Rest assured, your points are not going anywhere, and neither are any of our planes.
Regardless of what happens, you'll always have your points balance statement. That's something nobody can take away from you. (Mainly because according to updated Terms and Conditions, they are unreemable.)
To make everyone feel better about the impending shitstorm, we're pleased to announce that we're giving everyone 5,000 bonus free points and an extra 30 status credits. Hell, let's make it 500,000 free bonus points and 3,000 status credits. What do we care anymore?
It means all customers flying Chaser Airlines in the next six months would gain free entry to all our VIP lounges if they weren't all closed.
Rest assured, here at Chaser Airlines, we're proactively working around the clock to put in place important safeguards to make sure our airline doesn't face the same fate as Ansett. We've been:
- Begging the government for a bailout
- Getting a bailout
- Laying off all our staff anyway
- Begging the government for another bailout but this time in the form of a loan
We've always believed that the market is the best way to run things and that the government should not interfere in our operations. But now we believe the exact opposite. The government has a responsibility towards the workers at Chaser Airlines. I know we've never mentioned the workers before, but that's a sincere indication of just how desperate we are.
Anyway, enough from us. We're going to go and watch the first two episodes of season one of The Big Bang Theory using our in-flight entertainment system.
Charles Firth
CEO of Chaser Airlines
A few other things...
THE CHASER GENEROSITY CALCULATOR
This week, we launched The Chaser Generosity Calculator after the world's richest man announced that he had donated $1 million to the coronavirus research effort. Check it out, and find out how much you'd need to give to be as proportionately as generous as him.
 THE CHASER QUARTERLY - 22-page sample online
Even in lockdown, you can still browse a free 22-page sampler of our latest book at ChaserShop.com. The fully revised second edition of The Anti-Expert's Guide to Everything includes a tasteful guide to how to cure coronavirus the natural way, without the pesky use of Western science.
EXTREME VETTING PODCAST - New episodes
Do you happen to be in lockdown? We've been fast tracking a new series of our Extreme Vetting podcast to make sure you've got something interesting to listen to while you endure weeks of not being able to do anything. A new episode featuring Mark Humphries is out this week. Get it on Apple iTunes, Spotify or just search for Extreme Vetting in your favourite podcast app. Or checkout chaser.com.au/podcasts for full transcripts of the episodes as they're added.
LIVE SHOWS
All our live shows have been postponed till later in the year. Frustratingly, it's up to the venue / festival to contact you about how to rebook or get a refund. Those emails should have reached you by now. Thank you for your patience and understanding. We've managed to find dates for later in the year. We'll keep you up to date once those ticketing website go live.
- Brisbane - 30th September - BOOK NOW
- Sydney - 7th October - TIX AVAILABLE SOON
- Canberra - 15th October - TIX AVAILABLE SOON
You can't see the show, but you can buy the book that the show is based on. The Anti-Expert's Guide to Everything (Second Edition) - with a special section on how to cope with the coronavirus. Just $24.95 -- which is cheaper than a ticket to the live show.
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