Greetings from the outback
Dear Reader,
Apologies if this newsletter reaches you a bit late today. We’ve been out bush visiting regional Australia. Getting to North Sydney was a bit of a trek, and to be honest, the mobile phone reception out here is pretty much non-existent. North Sydney doesn't even have internet access yet. The people out here have been affected by the drought... of good coffee options for several years now.
It's not an exageration to say the good folk of North Sydney are doing it hard out here, with only one Harbourside Olympic pool things are pretty desperate. So it was good to see the government tip in a $20 million from their "remote and rural" budget to help renovate the pool. Always thinking of the little guys.
Anyway, before anyone asks questions about that grants program, let’s talk about something else.
PANDEMIC
As you may have seen, The Chaser has been given the honour of being the official consultant to the Federal Government for the upcoming coronavirus pandemic. We have no expertise in public health systems, but we do regularly buy tables at Liberal Party fundraisers, so we're perfectly qualified.
This week, we activated the National Pandemic Preparedness Plan, which aims to protect the most important facilities during a health crisis. In particular we have prioritised protecting the following Key Infrastructure:
- Private schools
- Private hospitals
- Qantas chairman’s lounges
- Board rooms
- Pony clubs
- Golf courses
- Rolex shops
- News Ltd head office
- Kirribilli House
- Brian Houston’s House
Everyone else will have to fend for themselves. In a time of crisis, tough decisions have to be made. Although to be frank, it wasn’t that hard.
One note for people who aren't included in the above list: we urge you — if you think you’ve got the virus — to stay away from your local public hospital. It makes it very difficult for the Prime Minister to do photo opportunities there if there are contagious people lying around everywhere. Have some empathy, people.
Anyway, I've got to get back to saving regional Australia. I've booked lunch at Aqua to help out the struggling fine dining restaurants in the North Sydney region.
Charles Firth
Managing Editor
P.S. Tickets to our live show - The Anti-Expert's Guide to Everything - are selling out across the country. Canberra is sold out, but still some seats in Brisbane, Melbourne and Sydney. Check out chaser.com.au/live for the tour schedule.
LIVE SHOW
The Anti-Expert's Guide
to Everything
Are you sick of experts telling you what to think, just because they're "more qualified" than you? At last a show that helps explain how the modern world really works.
- Canberra Comedy Festival, 18 March: SOLD OUT
- Brisbane Comedy Festival, 19 March: BOOK NOW - Selling fast
- Melbourne Comedy Festival, 26 March-5 April: BOOK NOW
- Sydney Comedy Festival – Enmore Theatre, 14 May: BOOK NOW
VIDEOS
We've started putting up videos from our old TV shows online. Check out the video wall on our website. Or subscribe to our official YouTube channel.
|
