Coronavirus support must be targetted at all the most marginal seats
EDITORIAL

Dear Reader,

As I write this, the World Health Organisation has just declared the coronavirus a global emergency. It poses a threat to the entire planet that must be taken seriously.

Which is why we've put together a colour-coded spreadsheet of the electorates that it is possible for the Morrison Government to win at the next election. Using this important analytical tool, the Sports Minister will be able to target the government's limited medical resources to the most marginal seats in Australia.

Some would say that the allocation of resources should be left to experts through an arms-length process. But to that I say: we have put in place important safeguards that make sure the colour-coded spreadsheet is held exactly one arms length away from Senior Cabinet Ministers whenever they are editing it.

And if you want really want this process to be left to the experts, that's actually fine: Bridget McKenzie is now at a total expert at distributing resources in this way.

For those of you living in non-marginal electorates (especially the Labor ones), sorry about that. Perhaps you can grab a face mask next time you happen to be in Scott Morrison's electorate or something?

Good luck in the coming days. The coronavirus is real and it's happening and it's bad, so it's likely Scott Morrison will be off to Hawaii before the end of next week.

As for the rest of us, I'm pretty confident about my own survival. I've just booked a holiday on a P&O cruise ship -- and they never make you violently ill.

Charles Firth
Managing Editor

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