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Issue 190 - 5th August 2022

I'm off to New York

Dear Chaser stockholders,

I write to inform you that I humbly accept my new new role as the Chaser's new trade envoy in New York. Please hold your applause.

This new role created by me in my previous role as head of job making, will bring new opportunity to the Chaser company and readers. New York is clearly the location anyone involved in Australian politics needs to be.

Some of you may be asking why we need a trade envoy in New York? And to that, I say, mind your own business.

That is especially true to any ICAC investigators and Chaser funders reading this.

Now, to address the rumours that other more "qualified" Chaser members were selected before me for the role; that is true but the reason I was selected over them was that they were all mysteriously arrested by the Fixated Persons Unit.

This new job will be a real fresh start for me, and will allow me to help out our New York team, of which I am the only member. In fact there has already been a large morale boost with the $500k a year budget increase in the team's bank account.

This new job will see some changes in the Chaser's output as I will no longer be writing articles, nor will there be any money left to pay for new writers or to produce stunts.

Instead we will now be focusing on a Borat-esque character that parodies someone living it up in New York, which will feature an endless stream of photos of me drinking in New York, partying in New York, and occasionally setting fire to a koala or two, presumably in New York.

Yours,
John "Barilaro" Delmenico
Chaser Trade Envoy

The Chaser Report Podcast

This week the boys dig into the rumour that Trump's accountants tried to use his first wife's memorial as a tax deduction. Listen now on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.