Citizens of Australia, foreigners are trying to influence your election!
Dear Australian Citizens,
As the man in charge of the nation, I cautiously ask you to stay calm and be very afraid!
This nation of mine is under an extreme threat from power-hungry foreigners who are trying to influence the upcoming election. Foreigners who show absolutely no regard or loyalty to Australia.
These people are real threats to the Australian way of life. They come here and throw their weight around, acting like they own the place.
Worst of all there are politicians and media personalities who we believe to be working with these evil people, but their influence is spreading! This is why I am writing to you so you can help Australia by staying vigilant to catch these traitorous spies.
Common signs of a spy include:
- Talking Mandarin
- Eating Mandarins
- Not Playing that classic Australian instrument, the Ukulele
- Smoking Bongs
- Wanting to Launch A Royal Commission
Stay vigilant. You never know which foreigners are working against you.
Rupert Murdoch
Leader of Australia (and Proud American Citizen)
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